Some Thoughts on Sewing Community Etiquette

About a week ago, an particularly interesting post on Threads showed up on my feed. I love Threads, as a platform for sewing content, more so opinions and conversations about sewing, which is actually a topic I’ve been writing about more on this blog. So someone posted on Threads about a sewing project they’d just completed. They shared an image of the sewing pattern cover and a second of themselves, in the finished garment. This individual expressed how much they liked the sewing pattern and how happy they were with the result.

Minimalist sewing quote poster featuring a black line-art illustration of scissors above the text: “The comforting thing about clothing construction is that there is nothing sacred. There is just no one way to do anything.” Attributed to Adele P. Margolis, Fashion Sewing for Everyone. The poster has black serif typography on a white background, a thin horizontal divider, and “SEWSPIRATRICE.COM” at the bottom.

Ps: If you like the sewing quote above, check out my full list of inspirational sewing quotes here.

THEN came the comments 😑

So many people had piled in with advice to press, pre-wash etc. Someone even suggested that they would bet that the directions asked for the pattern to be cut on the bias, implying that they themselves hadn’t sewn the pattern before. For the record, it was Not a bias-cut pattern, as another comment confirmed.

I couldn’t help but comment, “they did not ask for your feedback, folks.” I got around 30 likes on that comment. One person agreed with me, but another said something about friends helping other friends with constructive criticism. My knee-jerk reaction was to disagree, but I decided to sit with the comment, because, I do think that most of the comments were constructive.

If someone had specifically asked, “I made this thing, what do you think?” then yes, I probably would have offered pointed feedback. But this is not what happened. The OP on Threads was sharing something they were proud of and they did not ask for feedback. For this reason, all feedback, no matter how constructive, is still unsolicited. I think there’s something to be said about comments that are well meaning but are also rooted in the idea that there is always a common standard we should all be striving toward. and that pointing it out is doing someone a favour, even when they didn’t ask.

Minimalist body image affirmation card featuring a black heart-shaped garment button illustration on a pale yellow background. The heading reads “BODY IMAGE,” followed by the affirmation: “My unique body shape is not a challenge to be overcome.” Black typography on a white background.

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The body is a complicated thing to be sewing for because it is not just physical matter; there are so many feelings wrapped up in it. Some people have hiked long difficult trails in their bodies, others have given birth. Some people live with chronic illness that shapes how they move through the world. When we sew garments for our own bodies, there’s something happening that I can only describe as an act of self-care. Personally, buying a top off a rack in a clothing store has always been frustrating because nothing ever fits my bust. Either there’s some gaping, or if it fits my bust, the rest of the top is too baggy. Finding out that I can actually make something that fits me was huge for me, and I think that many other people can resonate with this.

I have a set of 48 printable sewing affirmations covering 8 topics, including body image, that you can get here.

So for complete strangers, people who don’t know someone’s sewing story or what drew them to sewing or what skills they’re currently working with, to show up in someone’s comment section with advice that the OP didn’t ask for is kind of crazy. And there’s nuance here. For example, I’d draw a distinction between unsolicited advice about someone’s pattern storage system versus unsolicited commentary on how a garment is fitting someone’s body. Those feel like different things to me because garments sit next to our bodies, which are the sites of so many other feelings.

I also want to acknowledge that not everyone is sewing for perfect fit. Some people sew for the joy of the process of creating something. Not everyone is going to go through multiple tweaks to achieve perfection. I go through my own stress with every garment I make from the moment I print my pattern. Sometimes the size chart matches my proportions and other times I have to grade between sizes and sew a toile. Even then, I still feel trepidation that even after making adjustments my garment might not come out right. At one point, I took note that there are so many celebrities on red carpets in clothes that don’t fit perfectly. Why am I so obsessed with fit in my more ordinary, everyday life? There’s a whole spectrum from atrocious to meh to acceptable to good to perfect, and we’re allowed to exist anywhere we choose on it.

Screenshot of a Threads post discussing whether beginner sewists should start with simple projects like pillowcases or begin by making clothes. The post includes comments advocating for learning basic sewing skills through simple projects, while another commenter recommends pyjamas as a beginner-friendly clothing project. Usernames are obscured.

Okay, the second thing I’d like to talk about is inspired by a different Threads post.

About a week earlier, I came across a post of someone complaining about the advice that is commonly given to beginner sewists: to start sewing by attempting to make a pillowcase. I wholeheartedly agreed.

If someone had told me to make a pillowcase when I was first getting into sewing, I would not be sewing right now. That’s not hyperbole. What I actually wanted to make was lingerie, more specifically a bralette that would fit me. This was my first sewing project and it had me working with knits and elastic and working out stretch percentages. The result was absolutely awful but I would do it again if asked.

I was so excited about the prospect of making a bralette that actually fit my body that I worked hard toward it, thanks to my hyperfocus. Did I waste money on materials for a project that didn’t turn out well? Yes, probably. Would I make the same choice again? Yes. I think we severely underestimate how far the enthusiasm of making the thing we dream of can take us, even when it’s challenging.

Flat lay photograph of bralette sewing supplies on a white surface, including a brown paper pattern piece with handwritten markings, fabric scissors, a yellow rotary cutter, a blue measuring tape reel, and white lace fabric with elastic trim.

And I’m going to question some of the reasons people give for why beginners should stick to simple projects. “You might waste money on expensive materials.” “You might get discouraged and give up entirely.” While that’s possible I don’t necessarily think that that we should turn people off sewing by insisting that they sit through making a project if they find it dull and uninspiring.

Sewing is a very self-centred hobby, by which I mean that it’s about your taste, your body and the things you actually want to make. So if someone asks what project to start with, maybe instead of issuing a decree, we could instead ask them what they’re interested in. What drew them to sewing? What did they imagine making? Then offer a few options, mention which ones might be more challenging, give them the information, and let them decide.

We are all different, and I always come back to this. This should be the guiding principle more than it currently is. It shouldn’t matter that much to you that someone has made an ugly item they’re really proud of. Let them be proud of it.

So to sum this post up, I’ll suggest an act of sewing community etiquette: that we don’t impose our opinions on other sewists and that we refrain from unsolicited sewing advice.